Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Profound Wreckage of Love!

“Man, you’ve good academic record, good paycheck, rich and happy family. What more you need?” asks my friend every time I sit alone brooding in some place. Each time I had that same single reason which he thought to be too trivial to take into consideration. I wished him goodbye and returned to my place as I had to pack my things for my journey. With a large backpack I started towards the bus stand for a long journey to my native.
I got into a random bus which would take me to my destination as I had forgotten to book my seat in advance. I found myself staring at every girl that passed by me which made me feel so embarrassed of myself. Quickly I tried smothering that thought which instead of leaving me alone, haunted me more. Anyway the bus was on its way making its routine stops at every nook and corner of my city. I sat there alone in my seat of the row with eyes closed trying not to think anything. It did not work. Maybe texting my friend would help I thought and did so. I got no reply from. Irritated I tried calling him. But he was busy calling his girlfriend. Damn! I thought. It is not that time my best friend was not available due to some girl. I still remember those envious days I spent with him while he was flirting with some gal. I hate those moments when I felt I achieved nothing in my life as I had no girl! Uncontrollable thoughts brushed my mind which shouted “Oh God! Drop a girl for me” with closed eyes and a sigh. As if God answered my prayer there was a girl sitting beside me. Just a single look was enough for me to consider her to be an angel! Without my own knowledge my heart started beating faster. I was really nervous at the time as no hauntingly beautiful girl such as her had sat next to me in my entire life. At this time I remembered the time I talked to a girl for the first time.
I always have been timid in my entire life in girls’ matter. Knowing that weakness my friends had one day forced me to speak to some girl in my class. Walking towards her made my legs shake and I was sweating furiously. I rehearsed my catch phrase repeatedly though it was just a simple ‘Hi’. At last I said “Hi” to her with a shaky voice. Her pleasant reply made me think girls are not some extraordinary creatures after all!
Coming back from my flashback I found the girl looking out from the window opposite to me. I could not help staring at her and examining it with excitement. She was a girl with sharp crisp features to which I was attracted instantly. She is the most beautiful girl on earth I thought. She was as perfect as a sculpture which was carefully sculpted by a sculptor! I noticed her fair arms and ample breasts. While I feasting my eyes with her beauty she started to turn her head towards me which made me lower my eyes and fake a shoulder scratch. I felt the cool breeze of the night and turned around to my window. My mind was racing and full of unusual thoughts. My mind which was once a pond disturbed by a stone had now become a ocean disturbed by tsunami! I could not get the girl sitting beside out of my mind. So I decided to speak something. I thought of using my usual pickup line ‘hi’. But this time it did not work out quite well as I ended up babling something which she could not understand. She just said “Did you say something?” for which I answered “Nothing!”. Like this I missed my first chance of speaking to her. At this time another incident flashed in my mind.
It was the time when my best friend betrayed me. He did not actually betray me because having a girlfriend does not mean betraying someone. I felt betrayed because everytime I was around he would flirt with her. He was doing it on purpose just to make me envy him or maybe its just in my mind I think. I could not tolertate him enjoying the company of his girl. Once I had wished the girl leave him and come to me! As that thought came so the thought vanished, so fast! Hell I was desperate for a girl.
Now the girl beside was sleepy. I could see she was dizzy. My mind shouted ‘Do something.. SPEAK NOW!!!. If she sleeps then its over. You can do nothing later’. Though I opened my dry mouth no words came out of it. At last she was asleep with her head resting on the grill which was in front of her seat. I am a pathetic human being I thought. All I wanted was a beautiful girl and the universe gave it to me I was afraid to make a move. I hope universe gave me another chance. As if the bus driver heard me he stopped the bus suddenly causing the girl’s head rest on my shoulder due to inertia. “Wow!This is new!” I thought. Never in my life had a girl slept on my shoulder. From some other of my mind a voice said “Don’t get too excited fella! She still doesn’t know she is sleeping on your shoulder. Don’t be too happy cause she might take her head off you when she finds it out!”. This thought made me whisper “Damn!”. As if she heard me she lifted her head a bit, mumbled and went back to her sleep on my shoulder. “That answers it.” I thought. She knows she is resting her head on my shoulder and she likes it! Maybe she likes me or atleast my shoulder. I was happy that atleast I got some girl who likes me. Feeling a bit courageous I looked at her beautiful face with rightly placed eyebrows, slender nose and peacefully closed eyes. Her long black hairs touched my neck giving me a tingling sensation. I felt her warm arms touch mine. Goosebumps were all over me. Her deep-necked T-shirt displayed ample amount of fair cleavage.I could not resist having a brief look at it while she breathed. I thought of stroking her hair but decided not to. Her hair smelled some familiar shampoo which I liked instantly. She also smelled really good. I love her I thought. It might seem foolish to love someone just by looking at them and not knowing anything about them. But in this situation I felt right. I even knew that she would feel the same way about me. I was careful enough not to move lest her sleep would be disturbed. I liked watching her sleep, so calm without any thought about the world around her. She seemed like an angel who had nothing to worry. I wished I could enter her peaceful world where we could live happily forever being just us! These all thoughts built up the confidence in me to speak my mind when she gets up. I wanted to tell how I felt about her and was eager to find out her reaction about all this. I even thought how it would be to make love to her with all the passion and sexual tension building up. Mere of thought of that made me sexually eroused. I struggled to let go of obscene pictures that crossed my mind when the topic sex came up. I realised that however strong a man loves his girl he is not devoid of the thought of having sex with her. I think its imprinted in their genes. I felt the urge to please her in every way possible. I wanted to give her everything she wanted and she has dreamed of. She should feel lucky to have me and would never leave me. I would be anything for her from a king to her slave if she wanted me to be. That would be my commitment. I even imagined what kind of wedding ring I would gift her! I also decided a place for our honeymoon.  Its too much to think of wedding with the girl whose name I did not know I thought. Anyway I liked the thought of being with her forever. Again I looked at her serene face for acceptance of my thoughts. I thought even she would like it if I told what all I thought about us. Thinking of all these possibilities I drifted into sound dreamless sleep.
The stopping of my bus in the morning woke me up. Surprisingly she was still asleep on my shoulder. It was a surprise because usually women are more sensitive to changing environment than men and according to this theory she should have been up by now. As my destination had arrived I decided to wake her up. I tried it but she never got up. Her hands were strangely cold. By then many people had surrounded and we all knew what a cold, unmoving body means. My head was empty. I just walked by all the people who were staring at the body silently as if the whole world had become still!


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